Monday, May 29, 2006

Of Maddie Birthday Part 2.

hello public

here are some fotos of maddie's birthday outing. its really a lot of fun and its nice to meet up with people that you havent met up with for quite a while. thanks to maddie, jeff, love, smeeli and doraemon for a wonderful time.

after the steamboat at marina we 240-ed to great world city to have ben & jerry ice cream. kettle was working there and we all went to say hi. 240-ed home later.

saw a superman memorabilia store in greatworldcity. the only thing missing are super tight red briefs.

today at work me and my colleague debated smthing really intriguing. it's like smthing i've always pondered and wondered about.

is winnie the pooh a guy or a gal?

it has always baffled me because on screen, this yellow bear has a rather manly voice. so why in mary magdalene's name is it called winnie? most of the winnies i know are 100% female. well, i cant really ensure they're 100% confirm plus chop females becuase i havent had the pleasure of checking, but my guts tell me they are.

have u also noticed that the pooh bear only wears a mid riff top. there dont seem to be anything dangling between his legs either.

also, my colleague pointed out that winnie's good fren piglet too is a guy. then why on jupiter does it wear a pink horizontal stripe swimming costume. doest he know it makes him look fat? horizontal stripes are such a no-no.

after much contemplation. we came to an agreement that winnie has some issues. and so does piglet.

winnie the pooh and piglet are both tranvestites.

there! case solved.


Of Life, Work & Childhood Memories.

hello public

a thousand apologies for a terrible delay in entries. my grandparents stayed over for a few days a few days ago and they took over my room. thats means i'm totally barred from using my com.

ooo. i remember smthing. its damn funny!!!!

my grandmother pressed the on/off button on my computer monitor in my rom. she actually thought it was a tv. LOL!!!!!!! damn freaking funny. but then i love my grandparesnt to bits. cause they dote on me and they cook yummy food. ooooooooooooh!!!!

remember: alilovesyouifyoulovehimtoo!

oh yah. anyways, i'm like freaking sleep deprived right now. i only managed less than 4hrs of sleep last night cause my family only returned home from my aunt's open house ard 3am. the food was heavenly and cholestrol filled. and the hours of bingo and connect 4 really made me one happy child.

u see, as a child i was deprived of board games and card games. why? cause who am i gonna play it with? my imaginary siblings?? all my toys, were like toy cars, handheld games (gameboy) and those battery operated miniature cars that kids can ride on, u know, its those u pay $1.50 or smthing to ride for half an hour ard ur the small area, they're like usually located in the neighbourhood town areas(central). well, the only thing was i owned one of those. it was fun, i used to ride them ard the house. i only wished they went faster.

once, i played monopoly with my cousins at my grandma's house during family gathering. i loved it so much, i begged my mum to get me one. she told me that i wont have anybody to play with. but i kept on insisting. and she finally relented alas. so when i finally got it, i set it up in my room and played a four person game. just that all person was me. lol. after a while i got bored of playing with myself and chucked the whole thing in the store room.

anyways, wad i'm trying to say here is that it was really fun to play social games last night. i like the whole idea of interaction. its funner.

oh yah. i'll resume updates proper as soon as i can. today slept for 4 hours and woke up to attend my workplace anniversary. i work in silvercity in yishun and its the first silvercity in singapore. and today marks its 14yr anniversary. there was a little speech, buffet, cake cutting and the premiere of a fucking hilarious comedy starring Robin Williams called RV. u guys should watch it when it's out in the cinemas for u commonfolks. lol. its damn funny.

anyways, the ceremony was at 9am. ended ard 12. went for lunch and started work at 1 which ended ard 10pm. and now, i'm home, sleep deprived and tmr i have to work at 12pm. gotta need serious sleep. i was partially stoning at work. shh!!!

hahaha. okay u guys, love ya, miss ya and appreciate ya. till next time.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Of Maddie Birthday Part 1

hello public

before i forget,

i wanna wish Ms Madeleine Loh Min Shang aka maddie, a happy 20th birthday. may you be blessed with wisdom, health and happiness.

i love you bitch

your slut,
ali joe



to celebrate maddie's arrival on planet earth, a few of us decided to have a gathering. since everyone else was working, decided to meet up with my bf, jeff earlier in the day to get maddie's presents and cake.

maddie loves food and its obvious. she loves especially those percy pigs from marks n spencers(mns). so we decided to get her a mns food hamper. haha. then we actually wanted to wrap it up into a hamper but we couldnt find a box big enuff to fit all the stuff. so we decided to get a nice paper bag to put everything in. found this nice one that reminded me of a bag that maddie carries that always scratches me cause it has sharp ends. haha. perfect. and bought a nice ribbon to add a little shazz ma tazz to it. haha. ribbons always makes presents look like presents mah. haha. and then we found this nice embroidered card which is so lovely and we had to get it. haha.

here's jeff with the bag and the food in it. the ribbons not atach cause none of us knew how to tie a nice one. hehe.

i know my bf is girl. bet u didnt know i'm lesbian!


here are the contents of the bag. dun u think the card is cute?? haha.

photo courtesy of maddie's livejournal.

then we went to this really yummy cake shop at taka basement called rive gauche. i love the cakes there cause they look and taste yummy. so we bought the mango cake for maddie. and we found out later that it was absolutely scrumptious.

but thats another entry.

its getting late and i'm kinda tired. furthermore, i haven receive the rest of the fotos from the other people yet, namely, love(she ask me to call her dat) and smeeli. so if u guys are reading this, i'm still waiting for the fotos k. send to me when u see me online.

alrighty, part 2 will come soon. more fotos n everything. till then, toodles!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Of The Cathay

hello public

as you all might have read, i work in a place called silvercity. i love it there although the pay is peanuts. i've yet to acquire the need for proper finance as i still do receive financing from mummy and daddy. so for now, work is all about having fun while doing something productive.

the people there are really great. all very friendly and really fun to crap with. but i found out smthing recently, smthing that really intrigues me. most of them are camera shy!!!

i dun understand how people can be camera shy. i've been bringing my camera around lately since its gonna be my last month before i escape to the lush resort of Tekongville. everytime i wanna take foto with someone, its like squeezing milk from a dried up cow's udder. everyone jus shy away like i have BO or smthing. and i dont think i have.

B, W and S are my colleagues while J is one of our managers.

so anyways, a few of us decided to pay a visit to the newly opened The Cathay. its located somewhere ard a 5 minutes walk from dhoby ghaut station. the place looks really good. we decided to catch a foreign film titled Paradise now. its a multi award winning foreign film.

the show is in arabic about the palestine & israel crisis. its about how palastineans feel very controlled and opressed by the brutal sanctions that israel and their army put upon them. then its like the only way palastinean feel that they can evoke a change or so smthing is by doing suicide bombings. its a veeeeeery good show. its those thought provoking type and i love it that once in a while i get to use my brain to watch a movie.

so after the show, we walked to plaza singapura and sat around at macdonalds. and thats when i decided to camwhore once again.

it was getting late and most shops at plaza sing was closing so we decided to go home.

thats it for now. toodles.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Of A Dinosaur Sighting

hello public

its been a while since i've met an effervescent classmate of mine, maddie. and so when she called me out for a walkabout in town, i readily agreed without any hesitation. an of course, i never miss out an opportunity to camwhore. lol.

we met up in town and i was craving for a bit of sushi. paid a visit to sakae. shopped till we were dead tired. and had dinner.

oh public, i've discovered a new dinosaur. it devours everything in sight. BEWARE!!!


Monday, May 15, 2006

Of Crimewatch

hello public


welcome to the first episode of crimewatch

a few days ago, 2 big time criminal were caught by the fashion police walking around town committing a heinous act. they were illegally camwhoring in broad daylight and this made the public extremely queezy.

thanks to our ever hardworking fashion police decked in the latest dolce gabanna red satin police attire(because black is so last season), maroon sun hat from hermes, shades from chanel, louis vuitton knee boots in gold and calf skin gloves with fur trim by fendi. not forgetting a gorgeous crocodile birkin to carry all those weapons (handcuffs, whips, color wheel, pepper spray, sunblock, and cosmetics from mac) because hanging those stuff ard u jus makes u look fat.

Criminal No 1

- calls herself Shitfart
- real name : Maddie Loh
- occupation : Secretary
- crime : unable to smile properly in front of a camera.
- punishment : 60hours of 'How to smile properly' workshop

Criminal No 2

- calls himself Ali Joe and sumtimes Alvin Hilton
- real name : Ali Johari
- occupation : customer service
- crime : thinks he is a top model and poses for camera like its gonna be for the cover of vogue
: goes wild when in front of camera and has a tendency to act cute
- punishment : 60 hours of 'How to smile and behave infront of a camera' workshop and 12 hours of therapy to control outburst of camwhoring

In the end...

with the help of the fashion police and hours of theraphy, the convicts are back to being better citizens for the best of mankind.


Thursday, May 11, 2006

Of A Dessert With Hazelnut

hello public

school might have ended for me for somewhat around 2 months. but that doesnt mean i have to break ties with all the wonderful friends i have made in poly. there definitely so many memories of all the great times, the good times and the not-so-great times. whatever it is, it's still a phase in my life which has built me into who i am today.

one good fren of mine goes by the nickname of Hazelnut. she's one of the prettiest malay girl i've met that talks a lot. and i like people who talk alot. its tiring sometimes when u go out with people and you're the only one talking. its nice to take a break and listen sometimes. haha. anyways, hazelnut is also a regular client of my ongoing business which i cant mention cause it's illegal. haha.

decided to meet up with her for dinner one day after work. we settled on junction 8 as the location. we couldnt decide on a loation for dinner since we were both not really that famished. so we both agreed for a nice place to sit and chat over dessert and that was when we chanced upon a nice eatery called secret recipe.

she had the mango cake while i nibbled on my apple cheesecake slice. the cakes were simply scrumptious and service was really lovely. the whole place really deserved a revisit. after dessert we strolled around seiyu where hazelnut saw a lovely pair of heels from Americaya that certainly raked my approvals as well. since it came at a lovely price, she purchased it within minutes. browsed thru a few stores later and decided to call it a day.

Fotos Of The Day !!!

alright then, thats it for now. do leave comments and gimme hugs alright?


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

An Interview With Cleoh

hello public

lately, Realitee@Blogspot has been publishing interviews from best selling magazines, Voguew and Maxsin. amongst those interviewed were worldwide sensation celebrities such as Alvin Hilton, the extremely hung and loaded porn star, and also Alli Joe, heir to the Hotel 41 empire who instantly rose to stardom when his private 4 part intimate video were leaked onto the world wide web.

now, once again Realitee@Blogspot will publish an exclusive interview taken from a popular local female magazine, Cleoh. Cleoh recently did an article on Singapore 20 Most Eligible Bachelors. on the top of the list is celebrity hairstylist David Gun who've coiffured famous hairs like Fan Wrong and Joey Teh. david gun is a fren to alot of singaporean and international celebrities and this fact has made him extremely desired by those who wants to ride on his status and encounter his celebrity frens.

coming a close second on the list of Singapore 20 Most Eligible Bachelors is the Editor-In-Chief of Realitee@Blogspot and a self proclaimed camwhore, AliJohari. a highly influential man who has been single handedly operating Realitee@Blogspot ever since it made its world debut on december 2003. also alijohari had a short stint writing for livejournal for a few months where later he moved back to blogspot where he calls home now.

Alijohari enjoys sarcasm and dark humour and calls the Bridget Jones Diaries one of his favourite movies. in his free time, he likes to meet up with his frens to shop and eat. armed with a thick skin and a self obsession, alijohari roams the streets for great locations to camwhore. to him, camwhoring is an art that is not jus about narcissism but a balance of finding a good location and hours of photoshopping afterwards. alijohari is currently a bachelor who is still living with his parents and rumoured to be swinging both sides. never a follower of trends, alijohari has created his own style of fashion thru mix and matching the whatnots he finds in his 2 wardrobes. also, he likes to experiment with different hairstyles and haircolors as he believe that creates his own personal style.

Cleoh magazine sent its best reporter Kermit Sing to dig up juicy details from the Editor-in-chief. this interview was done over breakfast of kopi and toast at S11 in ang mo kio where the editor-in-chief frequents.

Kermit Sing (KS): good morning mr alijohari. wonderful morning isnt it? hows ur kopi? good?
AliJohari (A): cut the pleasantries and lets get on to business.

KS: Are your parents married or divorced?
A: married with one happy kid.

KS: Vegetarian?
A: never could. I have a love affair with meat.

KS: Come close to dying?
A: nope.

KS: What jewellery/accessories do you wear?
A: a watch is a must for me whenever I go out. But I do accessorise sometimes depending on the occasion. the trick is to never over acessorise or gwear too many acessories in different colors. you'll just end up looking like a christmas tree.

KS: Are you eating?
A: i'm not a bloody bullimic and its obvious from my size. food is meant to be enjoyed, not jus to fill your stomach. might as well eat grass then.

KS: Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
A: i love broccoli. its yummy and very good for you. but i dont like to eat stems of any kinds of vegetables. its like eating a tree. i rather not eat the trunk.

KS: Makeup?
A: I use a moisturiser daily. Sometimes I use concealer when my dark circles look really terrible.

KS: Would you ever have plastic surgery?
A: I don’t mind if there are sponsors. There are so many things I love to get done on my body and face. liposuction would be a start.

KS: What do u wear to bed?
A: loose tshirts and shorts. comfort is a priority for me.

KS: Have you ever done anything illegal?
A: today to get to this interview. i did cross the road while the red man was still on.

KS: Can you roll your tongue?
A: yup. i can do alot of tricks too. would u like a try?

KS: Pluck your eyebrows?
A: yes. Its important to keep them neat. People talk to you and look you in the eye. You don’t want them to be appalled by a bush on top of ur eye. Of course you want to avoid looking like Bert from sesame street as well. Unibrows are so last century.

KS: What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
A: currently, a donna karan.

KS: Abortion?
A: I don’t condone it. But if its for the better, why not. like lets say u cant afford to bring up a child, might as well abort it, if not the kid and u will suffer. or if the child is like retarded or smthing, i suggest u abort it, cause the child cant have a normal life and it wont be easy parenting.

KS: Hair color and hairstyle?
A: I have no idea wad the color of my hair is. I bleached it ages ago and now it looks copper or smthing. for my hairstyle its jus normal straight cause i blowdried it and applied leave on conditioner. thats all.

KS: Future child's name?
A: i dont like kids. and its too early to be thinking of one.

KS: Do you snore?*?
A: i donno. i've never been awake to hear myself snore.

KS: If you could go anywhere in the world on a vacation, where would you go?
A: somewhere there’s snow. I’ve never felt snow or seen snow in real life before. It would be nice to know how it feels like.

KS: Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
A: nope. I sleep with 6 pillows. i didnt even sleep with stuff animals as a child. i was never fond of any anyway.

KS: If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
A: keep it a secret. the thing is when people know u win the lottery, everyone just wanna be your fren or even distant relatives become close. u only know who your true frens are when you're poor and needy.

KS: Gold or silver?
A: i love yellow gold. white gold and purple gold are just crap that wont last. silver is just a worthless metal. yellow gold has a higher value.

KS: Hamburger or hot dog?
A: hamburger. Lately, I’ve been addicted to chicken whopper from bk. or gimme filet o fish from macdonalds anytime and i'm happy.

KS: If you could only eat one last food for the rest ofyour life, what would you choose?
A: something really filling. Cause I wont be having anything else right?

KS: Beach, city, or country?
A: I’m more of a city person. I’d drown by the beach. And I’ll get bored on the country side.

KS: Who was the last person you touched?
A: my mum when she passed me smthing.

KS: Where do you eat?
A: where there’s good food. a good meal always makes me happy. thats why i have 5 meals a day. at least i'm fat and happy.

KS: When's the last time you cried?
A: 28oct1986.

KS: Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry?
A: love can evoke so many emotions that are hard to control.

KS: Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
A: only if you pay me big money.

KS: Ever been involved with the police?
A: i have been booked by the fashion police countless times!! -___-'''

KS: Believe in Santa?
A: I believe that santa will die of a heart attack soon if he doesn’t start to exercise. i blame it all on those milk and cookies that people leave for him. this year onwards we should start leaving him a glass of low fat sugar free soy milk and a plate of salad wihtout dressing.

KS: Do you talk in your sleep?
A: i've never been awake to know.

KS: Beach or pool?
A: i love a good pinic. so the beach has to be the place for me. at the pool everyone's in tight spandex. its just makes me queazy.

KS: Can you cross your eye
A: yes. i can cross my legs too.

KS: What's your favorite song at the moment?
A: anything by mariah carey is my favourite.

KS: Window seat or aisle?
A: i prefer aisle. its easier to go to the toilet, easier to get stuff from the stewardess. tat the window seat all you see are white clouds. its like staring at cotton wool.

KS: Ever met any famous bands/singers?
A: siti nurhaliza. i went to her concert before. I was probably 50 meters away from her. i could almost die knowing that i was breathing the same air as her.

KS: Do you feel that you've ever had a truly successful relationship?
A: nope. i suck at relationships.

KS: Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
A: twirl and cut. I don’t like a lot of spaghetti twirled together. i prefer small bites. i have a small mouth.

KS: Rickie Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
A: i'm a huge fan of oprah. i try not to miss her daily shows.

KS: Would you ever admit to having done plasticsurgery of any kind if confronted?
A: of course not. Beauty is only beautiful when it is effortless.

KS: How long does your shower last?
A: usually ard 5-10minutes. Sometimes it can last up to 25 minutes if i'm horny.

KS: pizza or pasta?
A: can i choose both. i jus love both a lot. pizza for breakfast and pasta for lunch.

KS: Cake or ice cream?
A: ice cream definitely. I’m an addict. but u can tempt me with cheesecake too.

KS: Self-conscious?
A: if I say no, will you promise not to laugh or roll your eyes?

KS: what time do you get up?
A: today at 9 cause I had to reach work at 10am.

KS: When was your first crush?
A: sec 2. it was with a billabong bag.

KS: Where do you wish you were?
A: right now, I wish I was in a nice resort where the weather is perfect and i dont have to worry bout anything.

KS: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
A: I doubt a person with a face like mine can accomplish such a feat.

KS: okay mr alijohari, any last words to say to all those girls out there.
A: ladies, lemme fill your hollowness. i have a powerful tool that can do that. bukake!


Friday, May 05, 2006