Wednesday, May 10, 2006

An Interview With Cleoh

hello public

lately, Realitee@Blogspot has been publishing interviews from best selling magazines, Voguew and Maxsin. amongst those interviewed were worldwide sensation celebrities such as Alvin Hilton, the extremely hung and loaded porn star, and also Alli Joe, heir to the Hotel 41 empire who instantly rose to stardom when his private 4 part intimate video were leaked onto the world wide web.

now, once again Realitee@Blogspot will publish an exclusive interview taken from a popular local female magazine, Cleoh. Cleoh recently did an article on Singapore 20 Most Eligible Bachelors. on the top of the list is celebrity hairstylist David Gun who've coiffured famous hairs like Fan Wrong and Joey Teh. david gun is a fren to alot of singaporean and international celebrities and this fact has made him extremely desired by those who wants to ride on his status and encounter his celebrity frens.

coming a close second on the list of Singapore 20 Most Eligible Bachelors is the Editor-In-Chief of Realitee@Blogspot and a self proclaimed camwhore, AliJohari. a highly influential man who has been single handedly operating Realitee@Blogspot ever since it made its world debut on december 2003. also alijohari had a short stint writing for livejournal for a few months where later he moved back to blogspot where he calls home now.

Alijohari enjoys sarcasm and dark humour and calls the Bridget Jones Diaries one of his favourite movies. in his free time, he likes to meet up with his frens to shop and eat. armed with a thick skin and a self obsession, alijohari roams the streets for great locations to camwhore. to him, camwhoring is an art that is not jus about narcissism but a balance of finding a good location and hours of photoshopping afterwards. alijohari is currently a bachelor who is still living with his parents and rumoured to be swinging both sides. never a follower of trends, alijohari has created his own style of fashion thru mix and matching the whatnots he finds in his 2 wardrobes. also, he likes to experiment with different hairstyles and haircolors as he believe that creates his own personal style.

Cleoh magazine sent its best reporter Kermit Sing to dig up juicy details from the Editor-in-chief. this interview was done over breakfast of kopi and toast at S11 in ang mo kio where the editor-in-chief frequents.

Kermit Sing (KS): good morning mr alijohari. wonderful morning isnt it? hows ur kopi? good?
AliJohari (A): cut the pleasantries and lets get on to business.

KS: Are your parents married or divorced?
A: married with one happy kid.

KS: Vegetarian?
A: never could. I have a love affair with meat.

KS: Come close to dying?
A: nope.

KS: What jewellery/accessories do you wear?
A: a watch is a must for me whenever I go out. But I do accessorise sometimes depending on the occasion. the trick is to never over acessorise or gwear too many acessories in different colors. you'll just end up looking like a christmas tree.

KS: Are you eating?
A: i'm not a bloody bullimic and its obvious from my size. food is meant to be enjoyed, not jus to fill your stomach. might as well eat grass then.

KS: Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
A: i love broccoli. its yummy and very good for you. but i dont like to eat stems of any kinds of vegetables. its like eating a tree. i rather not eat the trunk.

KS: Makeup?
A: I use a moisturiser daily. Sometimes I use concealer when my dark circles look really terrible.

KS: Would you ever have plastic surgery?
A: I don’t mind if there are sponsors. There are so many things I love to get done on my body and face. liposuction would be a start.

KS: What do u wear to bed?
A: loose tshirts and shorts. comfort is a priority for me.

KS: Have you ever done anything illegal?
A: today to get to this interview. i did cross the road while the red man was still on.

KS: Can you roll your tongue?
A: yup. i can do alot of tricks too. would u like a try?

KS: Pluck your eyebrows?
A: yes. Its important to keep them neat. People talk to you and look you in the eye. You don’t want them to be appalled by a bush on top of ur eye. Of course you want to avoid looking like Bert from sesame street as well. Unibrows are so last century.

KS: What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
A: currently, a donna karan.

KS: Abortion?
A: I don’t condone it. But if its for the better, why not. like lets say u cant afford to bring up a child, might as well abort it, if not the kid and u will suffer. or if the child is like retarded or smthing, i suggest u abort it, cause the child cant have a normal life and it wont be easy parenting.

KS: Hair color and hairstyle?
A: I have no idea wad the color of my hair is. I bleached it ages ago and now it looks copper or smthing. for my hairstyle its jus normal straight cause i blowdried it and applied leave on conditioner. thats all.

KS: Future child's name?
A: i dont like kids. and its too early to be thinking of one.

KS: Do you snore?*?
A: i donno. i've never been awake to hear myself snore.

KS: If you could go anywhere in the world on a vacation, where would you go?
A: somewhere there’s snow. I’ve never felt snow or seen snow in real life before. It would be nice to know how it feels like.

KS: Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
A: nope. I sleep with 6 pillows. i didnt even sleep with stuff animals as a child. i was never fond of any anyway.

KS: If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
A: keep it a secret. the thing is when people know u win the lottery, everyone just wanna be your fren or even distant relatives become close. u only know who your true frens are when you're poor and needy.

KS: Gold or silver?
A: i love yellow gold. white gold and purple gold are just crap that wont last. silver is just a worthless metal. yellow gold has a higher value.

KS: Hamburger or hot dog?
A: hamburger. Lately, I’ve been addicted to chicken whopper from bk. or gimme filet o fish from macdonalds anytime and i'm happy.

KS: If you could only eat one last food for the rest ofyour life, what would you choose?
A: something really filling. Cause I wont be having anything else right?

KS: Beach, city, or country?
A: I’m more of a city person. I’d drown by the beach. And I’ll get bored on the country side.

KS: Who was the last person you touched?
A: my mum when she passed me smthing.

KS: Where do you eat?
A: where there’s good food. a good meal always makes me happy. thats why i have 5 meals a day. at least i'm fat and happy.

KS: When's the last time you cried?
A: 28oct1986.

KS: Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry?
A: love can evoke so many emotions that are hard to control.

KS: Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
A: only if you pay me big money.

KS: Ever been involved with the police?
A: i have been booked by the fashion police countless times!! -___-'''

KS: Believe in Santa?
A: I believe that santa will die of a heart attack soon if he doesn’t start to exercise. i blame it all on those milk and cookies that people leave for him. this year onwards we should start leaving him a glass of low fat sugar free soy milk and a plate of salad wihtout dressing.

KS: Do you talk in your sleep?
A: i've never been awake to know.

KS: Beach or pool?
A: i love a good pinic. so the beach has to be the place for me. at the pool everyone's in tight spandex. its just makes me queazy.

KS: Can you cross your eye
A: yes. i can cross my legs too.

KS: What's your favorite song at the moment?
A: anything by mariah carey is my favourite.

KS: Window seat or aisle?
A: i prefer aisle. its easier to go to the toilet, easier to get stuff from the stewardess. tat the window seat all you see are white clouds. its like staring at cotton wool.

KS: Ever met any famous bands/singers?
A: siti nurhaliza. i went to her concert before. I was probably 50 meters away from her. i could almost die knowing that i was breathing the same air as her.

KS: Do you feel that you've ever had a truly successful relationship?
A: nope. i suck at relationships.

KS: Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
A: twirl and cut. I don’t like a lot of spaghetti twirled together. i prefer small bites. i have a small mouth.

KS: Rickie Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
A: i'm a huge fan of oprah. i try not to miss her daily shows.

KS: Would you ever admit to having done plasticsurgery of any kind if confronted?
A: of course not. Beauty is only beautiful when it is effortless.

KS: How long does your shower last?
A: usually ard 5-10minutes. Sometimes it can last up to 25 minutes if i'm horny.

KS: pizza or pasta?
A: can i choose both. i jus love both a lot. pizza for breakfast and pasta for lunch.

KS: Cake or ice cream?
A: ice cream definitely. I’m an addict. but u can tempt me with cheesecake too.

KS: Self-conscious?
A: if I say no, will you promise not to laugh or roll your eyes?

KS: what time do you get up?
A: today at 9 cause I had to reach work at 10am.

KS: When was your first crush?
A: sec 2. it was with a billabong bag.

KS: Where do you wish you were?
A: right now, I wish I was in a nice resort where the weather is perfect and i dont have to worry bout anything.

KS: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
A: I doubt a person with a face like mine can accomplish such a feat.

KS: okay mr alijohari, any last words to say to all those girls out there.
A: ladies, lemme fill your hollowness. i have a powerful tool that can do that. bukake!


toodles

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