Saturday, March 31, 2007

hello public

and so i came home today. and daddy asked me what i did this week.

i told him i played soccer.

he replied with a shocked look,"you know how to play meh?''

even mommy was suprised. i bet she didnt believe i could even kick the ball.

apparently to them, all that i'm capable of is spending their money.

*roll eyes*


a friend asked me a very weird question.

''ali, is you bimboticness all just an act?''

i donno. probably beneath all this heavy blonde extentions, i'm actually really clever.

*flips blonde hair*

but for now, i need to powder my nose.

ps: can you believe it, somebody actually called me military barbie as a form of insult. cmon now, seriously, i'm honored.

*flutters eyelashes*


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Fall Of Versace

hello public

manage to sneak a little update while i'm on my nights off break.

was surfing through some gossip sites, and guess what i saw.

O M G !

the horror!!!

the goddess of couture empire, Donatello Versace falls down to her knees while she was walking up the wet slippery steps to Elton John's 60th birthday party.

well, it obviously seems that mother nature is definitely not a fan of Versace's.

i still remember one of donatello's greatest quote.
''natural is not a word for women. natural, is for vegetables.''

a really really deep quote if i can say so myself.

but of course, like any natural born diva, the fall does not matter. it only makes you seem more human. what matters of course, is how you regain yourself afterwards.

you could:

A) laugh at how stupid that mishap was

B) curse and swear at the slippery wet stairs


C) act like nothing happened

but of course,

being a glam goddess as she is, with all her botox splendors and lip fillers, she stood back up and gave the paparazzi a pose.

even after such a disgraceful fall and also with wet patches on her dress, she's still able to work it for the camera.

you go girl! make gianni proud!!

dont you think she looks abit like paris hilton if paris were to be 60?

well then,

this is all the time i have, i need to go file my nails. they're starting to look abit unruly.

i love you too!


Saturday, March 24, 2007

hello public

this week was an interesting one for me. i learnt martial arts. for one whole week i spent around 8hrs each day getting my hands twisted, whole body slammed on a tatami mat and smacked on the head with a giant red plastic bolster. aches, bruises and scrapes aside, i guess i kinda enjoyed myself.

especially the part where i get to sit on top of the guy's crotch while trying to strangle his neck. i was supposed to show aggression, well, trust me i did. i was aggressively trying to grind, erm, i meant ground him down.

well, at least now i know i like to be on top.


preferences aside,

while i was busy emulating jackie chan, my favourite paparazzi magnet, Paris Hilton decides to do runway for her designer friends of 2BFree.

dont you think she looks like slutty barbie doll?

of course, all that hard work walking on the shiny platform in heels gives her a reason to splurge a little bit.

that is considered just a little bit in ms hilton's standard.

enough about paris.

how about my ever gorgeous little ms grumpy, ashley olsen. always caught on the streets with her venti starbucks enormous enough to cover half her head. she might own a huge company with twin sister mary kate but all that she's seen doing is walking around with a starbucks, huge shades, quirky choice of clothes which i dig and of course, an attitude.

i love her style. i call it bag lady. and she works it really well.

well then, sadly this weekend is a short one for me. i have to go back to camp tonight cause i have something on tmr. on a sunday, can you believe it. but then no worries, there's always next weekend. lets just hope it comes quick.

of course, how can i lend this entry without a final collage of my favouritest and biggest star.

if only you knew how much i love myself, you'd love me too.

now go on,

girls, go mop that drool on your keyboard.

boys, stop wanking to that enlarged picture of me.



Sunday, March 18, 2007

hello public

fate is such a funny thing.

obviously, The Man up there has had enough of my whining and decided to pacify me a little. in the lust department.

fuck sleep, i can spend the entire night awake just by being next to you.

jesus, i'm such a slut.


met up with sharif over the weekend for a late lunch cum early dinner at seoul garden marina square. singapore fashion festival is on and caught abit of the runway show at marina.

wouldnt it be nice to be a runway model. you get to try on clothes, preened to perfection and all you have to do is walk with a stoned or blur expression. and the best thing is everybody take fotos of you. such an easy way to make money.

made our way to the Mosaic festival at esplanade later on. was expecting some really exciting performances at the outdoor stage but was terribly let down by a band croaking out funeral music.

well that was about it for the day. thought of doing a little camwhoring but i no longer have the mood. but we did manage to snap a trinket of fotos to satisfy our deep deep desire of camwhoring.

made our way home later on the crowded night train. i hate crowded trains. i hate more the fact that everybody is so close to each other. i was so close to this middle age woman in front me that i could have grind her just by thrusting my hips slightly forward. but of course, sanity prevented me so. this of course was not a club and neither was the lady fiona xie.

let me end todays entry with a foto of myself. just in case you forgot how i look like.

orlando bloom is a nice adjective if you were looking one for me.


Saturday, March 10, 2007

hello public

theres a saying, "keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer"

my 3 main enemies in my life right now are
- pimples
- mosquitoes
- ants

and boy, no way in hell am i gonna keep my enemies anywhere close.

oh by the way, i encountered all 3 enemies during my 'wonderful' outfield sessions.

i have like a terrible major acne problem or something. no matter how much i wash my face, blot it, mosturise it, mask it or simply just dump whatever products that Loreal can make onto my face, it simply can never stay zit free.

i've tried every single pimple cream, gel or whatever watsons dishes out over their counters, but it still wont go away.

you know how you can wear a hat or a cool looking cap on bad hair day, i hope somebody comes up with something for a bad face day. probably a louis vuitton masquerade mask or something. trust me i'd be first in the queue for the premier sale.

furthermore with my national safari's quirky love affair with going outfield in the untamed jungles of singapore. and just like how you ladies cant live without the essential chanel foundation in colour #23, so do we. just that ours isnt chanel or m.a.c and it only comes in green and black.

these be damned man-rouge alias the camo cream clogs my pores and ruins my skin.

if only somebody were to reinvent it with mosturising extracts of aloe vera, vitamin e and tea tree properties, will then make me a happy handsome soldier.



my number 2 enemy outfield.

i dont understand how so many mosquitoes can swarm me like paparazzis to paris hilton. its like whenever i step into the man made forest, the first mosquito who spots me send a mass email to every other blood sucking bitch screaming 'Lunch Has Arrived!'

and so within the next 5minutes every single penetrating prick surrounds me like i'm about to be the main slut in this fuckfest.

and boy do i get screwed left, right, front, back, well, basically anywhere possible for them to fornicate me.

last but now least

the deceivingly tiny and powerless ants. all these perverts just wanna do is crawl into your clothes and get their mouth onto my skin. since they're so small, anywhere is possible for them. trust me on this. anywhere!

probably for female soldier who go outfield, i suggest your bring in cork along and stuff it up your fanny. just in case those ants decide to get naughty.

well then, until these 3 main enemies of mine get eradicated from the western jungles that i unwillingly frequent, you definitely wont be seeing me jumping enthusiastically waiting for the next outfield exercise.

so for the time being, since my current outfield has just ended, i decided to treat myself to a little something after having to deal with my boisterous enemies. i bought myself to tubs of ben and jerries and slowly sunk into euphoria.

i love myself, its not a sin
i cant control what happenin.

am i easy to please or what?


Sunday, March 04, 2007

hello public

this week's big hoo haa was definitely the Oscars. its wasnt who won what that made the tabloids but instead, who wore who.

first on my list, ms penelope cruz donning versace. i looooooove that color and how gorgeous it looks on her skin. but the dress isnt working for me. it looks like she wore this nice satin minidress and then decided too use a woolly carpet to keep her legs warm. i wonder how many sheeps had to die for her dress.

here we have beyonce knowles wearing an armani prive. contrary to her usual over the top dresses fully embellished with bling blings, this is a nice subtle piece. though two things are not working for me here. first is that ugly floral thing that goes across her chest to the shoulders. sometimes less is more ms deja vu. and secondly, i hate the hair. either lustrous curls or shiny flat hair would be gorgeous for this dress. but what she has is just volumed, dull, flat ironed hair. its like so normal. common. bleah.

the sophisticated gwyneth paltrow in a mermaid dress by zac posen. i love how gwyneth loves earthy fabrics like cotton and linen but the color isnt working for me. we're in the midst of spring summer season and she looks like she's wearing something from last season. its so autumn. and i hate the top part of her dress. awkwardly demure i call it.

the latest it girl, jennifer hudson in oscar de la renta. somebody noticed her buffalo wings and decided to give her this starking metallic silver python jacket which does nothing to compliment that dress or her skin tone. i'm fine with the dress and i love how it doesnt make her look that fat. but girl, that posture! preposterous!!! you look like a four breasted bear. where you place your hands are also important.

simply gorgeous!! jeniffer lopez looks fantastic in this empire gown by marchesa. i have a little fetish for empire gowns u see. i find women who wear them looks really classy. i love the color too. but dont you think she looks a bit pregnant?

now we have cameron diaz in a white valentino. one word, SAFE. nothing wow about the dress nor is there anything booable. i loove how she looks as a brunette though.

finally, ending our oscar runway special, we have nicole kidman wrapped up with a bow on her shoulder in balenciaga. the last thing you want to do is blend in at the oscars. i'm not talking about blending in with the other celebrities, but instead with the carpet. and you know how celebrities love to be the first one wearing the designer piece. well, i guess her dress came posted late. chinese new year was like so 2 weeks ago darling.


okay okay thats it for this entry. if you're wondering bout my life, there's nothing special going on. i did get a haircut though and i finally bought a wallet and its purple.

my national safari life? in the weeks to come, more outfields and guard duties. oh, and not forgetting the runs. everyday run run run for 10km. my knees are begging for mercy.

i hate zits!