hello public

so i guess my name has been perpetually imprinted onto the Singapore's Hall Of Shame. yet another chui moment only contemplates when a raunchy video of me grinding with the boys at Play will leak onto the internet.

can you just imagine what people might say if they saw it?


"goodness!! look at his open pores, eye bags and his untrimmed eyebrows!! and daaaaamn, what the hell is that bitch wearing? that outfit is so Dolce and Gabanna circa spring/summer 2005!! is he trying to be vintage or smthing?!"


darlings, i dont wake up looking like elle macpherson everyday you know.


major sidetrack.


tsk tsk.


so what happened this time you ask?


you know how sometimes you see your friend from across the road and decides to wave and say hi.

yeah. well, so i saw a friend of mine one day in town. you know the part where you cross the road from ngee ann city to paragon. so i was waiting for the traffic light to go green, when i saw Daryl across road. so i waved at him. he didnt seem to wave back even though i managed eye contact.

well, i guess he didnt see my wave. so i gave an even more enthusiastic wave, frantically waving my fat arms.

and the friend i was with, asked me "how come your friend never wave back?''


so without hesistation, amidst the crowd, i manage to project my voice, sure enough that the would hear me calling him from the other side. and let out a huge, "DAAAAAARYLLLLLL!!!!"


did i mention i made the whole of orchard road turned to look at me in weird stares.




and so the lights turn green, i crossed the road. and as i was reaching closer to daryl who by now had this confused look on his face, and i whispered to my friend(the one walking with me)..


"oh fuck, that guy isnt daryl!! fuck fuck fuck!!"


so i increased my pace, made a quick detour and disappeared into the basement of paragon, whipped out my huge pair of Wayfarers from my Revoltage bag and started hyperventilating into a paper bag.

i damn well, made sure i remained in the basement of paragon for 2hours before i emerged into the open.





note to self: next time if i see a friend across the road, i'm gonna give them a call first, just to be sure.


*****


MAJOR sidetrack again.


today's entry is suppose to be about


Ali Joe Goes To The Library




what most of you might not know, i actually like to read. and it seriously goes beyond just vogue and vanity fair. i read actual books.


so i brought my friends, cecilia and jiafang, the library virgins into the wonderful world of books!











the girls were complaining that it was hard to read the titles of the book since they were vertical.







so we looked for books and guess what kind of books we found?







there was cooking.







bellydancing.







self help books like infertility, cometic surgery and menopause.







and learning about the birds and the bees were now waaaay easier and colorful. hopefully they'll come out with pop-up books on this topics soon.







and autobiograhies we can relate too, like "The Queen Of Fats"







the girls even managed to camwhore while i was looking for books.







and were highly amused by the Zara t-shirt i was wearing.







we really love visiting the library more now. but all the that usage of brain power has totally drain our energy so its time to hop off to swensens to recharge!







at swensens we were seated next to this really noisy bunch of aunties. they were siting at the same table but talked to each other like they were at the separate ends of swensens. so irritating!!!













and then the food came. and we gobbled the who thing up in seconds.







then i came up with a brilliant idea. lets play a game. its scissors paper stone and the loser had to eat this...







a cherry dipped in whipped cream and coated with salt and pepper.


and guess who lost?!







the cherry tasted like a midget's testicle. a midget that hasnt bathe in 7 years.








the girls feeling damn relieved and laughing at my misery. -__________________-


the stuff we do for fun. seriously retarded.


***



alright thats it for this weekend's entry.


y'all take care...


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xoxo-alijoe